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Joos want WAR,but we want EVIDENCE
9/6/2002 (11:04) |
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I know, I know: You're worried about your retirement going up in smoke. You're worried about your bankrupt employer investing your 401K in a Florida mansion. You're worried because the Anthrax mailer is still on the loose. You're worried because the world still hates America and there are still no air marshals on commercial flights. You're worried about Osama Bin Laden FedExing a suitcase nuke to New York. You're worried because I sat on a Clinton plan to dismantle Al-Qaida for 8 months. Well, stop worrying! I've devised the perfect plan to get your mind off all these troubles: ANOTHER WAR WITH SADDAM! Remember how much fun the last one was? Smart Bombs and Stealth fighters! Patriots vs. Scuds! The 'Highway of Death!' Remember the briefings with Stormin' Norman? Remember that video of the Iraqi truck getting nailed on that bridge - and how we all laughed and laughed? Ah, good times, good times. I guarantee you won't think about anything else as long as we have a fun war with Iraq on CNN for you every day and every night......Or your money back! Yes, it'll be an expensive war, and this time Kuwait won't be picking up the tab. Yeah, it'll probably speed the economy's decline into depression. But come on - who needs a job when the War's on TV? Reasons? Do I really have to come up with reasons to go to war with Iraq? Are you really going to make me go through all that trouble of coming up with reasons the way you did my father? Fine, I'll just put in a call to the family PR firm, Hill & Knowlton. What'll it be? Women? Babies? How about puppies? 'Saddam slaughters his own puppies.' Would that do?
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